Each year in the Shank, we ask
readers to submit lists of the best and worst of the year. Over the
next few weeks we'll be running these lists (from movies and music to
TV and other more, um, esoteric lists).
This is collection of lists for MISCELLANY for 2006.
***HIGHLIGHTS OF 2006***
by Benn Ray
Whoa, whadda year!
DICK CHENEY SHOOTS A MAN.
Let me just say that again: The Vice President of the United States shoots an old man in the fucking face.
REPUBLICAN MARK FOLEY PAGE SCANDAL.
Rep. Mark Foley likes underage boys that work for Congress. Some might say he preys on them. Republican Congressional Leadership knew about it and did nothing to protect the kids. In fact, they covered up for Foley.
EVANGELIST TED HAGGARD ADMITS TO GAY PROSTITUTE LOVER, AND DRUGS.
Ted Haggard, the head of the evangelical New Life Church is revealed as a gay, prostitute patronizing, drug user. I wonder when that famous Christian forgiveness will kick in from his millions of parishoners. Maybe it will now that he's claiming to be completely heterosexual.
STEPHEN COLBERT @ WHITE HOUSE PRESS DINNER
The Bush Admininstration has had its fair share of contemporary takes on historical, political cliches. (Nero fiddling while Rome burned - George playing guitar while New Orleans drowned immediately comes to mind. Marie Antoinette saying let them eat cake, Condi going shoe shopping and seeing Spamalot.) But this one is perhaps the best, and it underlines both the greatness and the failings of America. At the White House Press dinner, Stephen Colbert tells the Emperor that he has no clothes (to his face, no less), and the Emperor doesn't want to hear it. The fact that Colbert can speak truth to power and not be arrested is a testament to America (but let's not pat ourselves on the back too much for that, it sets the bar kinda low), but the nearly uniform corporate media panning of Colbert's brilliant performance underlines whose bitch "our" media really is.
THE DEMOCRATIC REVOLUTION
The Democrats take control of of the House and the Republicans lose control of the Senate (you still can't really say the Dems are the majority in the Senate since they won 51-49, but one Sentor is deathly ill and isn't around to vote, and Lieberman (Independent) votes Republican while he caucuses with the Dems. So really the Dem-Rep count in the Senate is 49 (D) - 50 (R)).
DEMS REGAIN GOV'S MANSION IN MD.
O'Malley is the new Gov. Cardin is the new Senator. At the very least we won't have to hear Ehrlich's whiney cry-baby voice that seems to endear him to wealthy suburban voters. Downside - who's gonna be Mayor of Baltimore? Yeah, we're sweatin'. But at least there's someone in Annapolis who gives a fuck about us.
MEL GIBSON FINALLY ADMITS TO HATING THE JEWS
A drunk Mel Gibson is pulled over by the cops. He says a bunch of power-crazed bullshit, calls a female officer "Sugar-tits" (I think he meant it as a compliment, though) and, oh yeah, blames Jews for all the wars in the world. His film Apocalypto goes on to do nearly $50 million in domestic box office (and $78 million globally).
MICHAEL RICHARDS' RACIST MELTDOWN
Michal Richards is no stranger to put-on humor (he was onstage with the legendary Andy Kaufman-Fridays bit and may have been in on it), so when the story broke that the Seinfeld alum started hurling the n-bomb at an audience member, I was expecting a Kaufman/Zmuda comedy set up. But the punchline never came.
JAMES FREY FICTIONALIZES A MEMOIR.
It comes out via The Smoking Gun that James Frey's memoir, A MILLION LITTLE PIECES (an Oprah book club selection) is fictionalized. Oprah spanks the writer (whose golden career is now over) on TV. Frey apologizes. Instead he should have said, "It's called a fucking MEMOIR. NOT an AUTOBIOGRAPHY! You've never fictionalized any story you've ever told about yourself?"
JT LEROY IS A GIRL.
It turns out cult writer and recluse JT LeRoy (famous for his history growing up as a truckstop prostitute) isn't really JT LeRoy at all, it's just a chick playing JT LeRoy.
***BEST ADDITION TO BALTIMORE***
by Jamie Watson
1. Harbor News - The lack of a newsstand has been a sore spot with me since moving here, but this addition more than makes up for it. It's like heaven for a magazine junky, especially a British magazine junky. Oh, and newspapers too!
2. 5 Guys - Oh, delicious red meat patty. You are not quite an In n Out Burger, but you are right down the street. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.
3. Atomic Pop - Brown nose, brown nose.....No seriously, I did a nice chunk of Xmas shopping there, with more stuff on my list for later. Hooray, Benn.
4. Salt - Believe the hype - it's that good. And shut up about the lights. I think they're cool.
5. Jamba Juice - Ok, not really but I WISH. I am addicted to these overpriced smoothies. Please someone put one in Baltimore.
***TOP 5 THINGS I ENJOYED ABOUT THE CITY PAPER IN 2006***
by Tim Kabara
Though I have an odd feeling they don't like me very much, I've still got plenty of love for the City Paper. Certainly, my problems with Baltimore's Free Alternative Weekly are well documented (see this article for part of a recent dust-up), but they still do good things. Here are five things I enjoyed this year.
1. Eric Allan Hatch's Film Reviews
Yes, I know Eric personally. But he still writes intelligent, eloquent film reviews that give opinionated, thoughtful considerations of whatever he sees. „Considering all sides of an issue‰ appears to be an increasingly lost art in the age of the blog rant, and Eric does it well.
2. The City Paper's Recent Coverage of Baltimore Club Music
Things have really improved in this department, and I appreciate learning new things and getting solid information about this vibrant scene which continues to get national attention.
3. Jess Harvel's Work
Jess Harvell got into town in 2005, investigated an unexplored area (Animal Collective‚s Maryland origins) and did a good job of getting into the band, their music, and their Park School/Loch Raven roots. I was impressed, and have continued to be in 2006. Check out also his piece on the second Reverent Fog festival.
4. Bret McCabe's Dead C CD Review
I always appreciate when under-served bands get above-ground attention. It is articles like this one that can get some 'skateboarding loser' kid to try something new and maybe have his mind blown and his life changed. If it wasn't for the press doing this occasionally for Sonic Youth back in the day, the entire course of my life would have been considerably different.
5. Recent Graphic Design/ Photography Work
Using the work of people like Uli Loskot, Alex Fine and Emily Flake makes for a snazzy looking paper. I enjoy their work specifically but appreciate the direction these areas have been taking in general.
***WEBSITES***
by Jamie Watson
1. Wikipedia. Librarians, of which I am one, panic at this site. I find it to be the best thing in the world. Yes, people can prank it, but people can rip a page out of an encyclopedia too. Yes, you sometimes need to take it with a grain of salt, but there are generally lots of sources cited. The wikipedia is the greatest.
2. Deadspin. Yay! This year I finally got my comment invitation! Deadspin has changed sports journalism in this country, and also has the balls to call out ESPN for it's all-around suckitude. The only website that I MUST read EVERY day.
3. Idolator. Like Deadspin, this is part of the Gawker media family, with a music focus. I don't know that they'll change music journalism in any way - they've joined a pretty crowded market, but I still enjoy reading it - and they've had a cracking good selection of mp3s too.
4. Largehearted Boy. This one, on the other hand, could easily supplant every indie rock mag there is.
5. SoccerTV.com. What soccer matches are on for the next 24 hours? On every channel? In every league? This is a most useful site.
***SPORTS***
by Jamie Watson
1. World Cup/Slainte to World Cup/Lagers. I'd been dabbling in soccer for a few years, but this World Cup brought it all home. Slainte is the best soccer bar I've been to this year (I've been to Philly, New Orleans, DC) and Baltimore soccer fans are most lucky to have it. I did transfer to Lagers for the Italian final - trust me that was the place to be. Soccer has also spoiled my love of football - which now seems to drag on interminably. I couldn't even be bothered to pick the last 2 weeks of the Mobtown pick'em. Eh!
2. Legg Mason tennis classic, DC. Every year I say I'm going to do this and every year I blow it off. This year, one of my favorite players was in the final (Arnaud Clement) so on a lark I got a cheap ticket and headed on down. This is a GREAT tournament - the grounds are so small that even though I took binoculars there was no need for them. A great sports bargain, and if you're a tennis fan and haven't been, try it out next year.
3. Chelsea v. West Ham, Stamford Bridge. Our trip to London included this London derby. Not the greatest match and the tickets were well nigh impossible to come by (we finally found some on craigslist for 150$ apiece the morning of the match and had to meet a guy with a limp at the Southwick tube stop to make the exchange. This was actually as much fun as the match.)
4. George Mason's run in the NCAA tourney (enough said)
5. Watching the Steelers win the Superbowl in Vegas (and winning $100 off it)
6. The Junkies, WHFS (rest in piece) these dudes are my guiltiest of pleasures.
It's as if you were listening to 4 aging jocks in a bar, and you wouldn't think you'd want to do that, but I do. HFS is removing them in a few weeks for REALLY aging dumb jocks Kirk and Mark, and I, for one, am not along for the ride. At least you can still listen online.
7. UFC - If I'd written this on Dec. 29 this wouldn't have made the list. I was aware of its existence for years (I used to work out at the same gym as former champ Mark Coleman in Ohio) but hadn't ever WATCHED before Dec. 20 pay-per-view, which I stumbled upon in a bar. It's the perfect sport for short attention span types - your lucky if a match goes 5 minutes. Next one up - the UFC debut of the "CRO COP" WHOO!
8. Guardian Daily Fiver - The British newspaper's weekday email of all things soccer. When I started getting it, I was lucky to understand 2 sentences. Now I'm up to about 25 %. And my British slang has improved 1000fold.
9. Hot Yoga - Charm City. This is the best workout I've ever had. Crank that room up to 100 degrees and then go to town.
10. Winning my fantasy NASCAR league by 2 points - That's a lot of races to come down to the wire like that.
***5 THINGS THAT MADE ENGLAND BRILLIANT***
by Jamie Watson
1. Disco. Dance music is ubiquitous in London. It comes out of cabs, it comes out of pubs, it comes out of stores, it's on the BBC at 8 in the morning.
2. Old people just want to have fun: Apparently you're allowed to age in Europe. I seldom, at 42, felt like the oldest person in the room. At the Dale Watson show we went to, there was a woman up front that must have been at least 70, drinking and smoking and dancing and looking just like Granny Clampett. There were old people in pubs and old people in the discos.
3. Newspapers - I know that their circulation is dying too, but London has like 20 newspapers, all with their own niche, and all delightful. It was nice to pay 70 p. for them, and they are also full of goodies that you don't get here (like when you buy the NY Times in NY instead of the "national edition.") I got a free Madness cd, posters of farm animals, magazines, you name it.
4. Toasties - a delicious pub snack that is basically a glorified grilled cheese. Actually British food was amazing, consisting as it did of things that were 1. fried or 2. covered in cheese. Or Indian food. Drool
5. Footy - Everywhere everywhere people talk about footy.....but you can actually watch more games on satellite in America. Oh, the irony.
T H E E N D O F 2 0 0 6 .
I'm glad someone did sports. I just got tired of bullshitting my way past anything not football or baseball related.
Benn, re: Haggard, you left out, "in only three weeks" ( he claims to now be hetero)
Wow! Apparently homosexuality is easier to kick than heroin! Who knew?
Posted by: stevo | February 10, 2007 at 12:12 AM
I reckon with the lord's help, anyone can kick anything.
Except for them insurgents. Even god doesn't seem to be helping us there.
Posted by: Benn | February 10, 2007 at 11:21 AM
Check out some of my baltimore club music on my blog. I also have mixes on my website!
http://phinesse.blogspot.com/
Posted by: DJ Phinesse | February 23, 2007 at 03:45 PM