Not gonna lie: space has been kinda disappointing so far this year. I just keep thinking about all the awesome things that happened in 2013 and wondering where the magic went. APL found Han Solo on Mercury, and admitted it provides convincing evidence that one should never cross a Hutt. NASA drew a penis on Mars. Even Crasher Squirrel gracefully relinquished his title after international television recorded the single greatest photobomb in the history of the Phylum Chordata.
Personal highlight: #1 Canadian human of all time Chris Hadfield made space cool again by, among other things, releasing this completely baller, not-a-special-effect zero-gravity music video of "Space Oddity." Seriously, have all my multi-national NAFTA babies. I mean, this is a man who is so baller, he launched a career to become an astronaut before Canada even had a space program. Canada was all like, you’re right Chris Hadfield, we should absolutely invest billions of dollars to launch you and your amazing mustache into outer space so you can teach children how really fucking inconvenient it is to live in space. He even re-wrote the ending to "Space Oddity" so the astronaut doesn’t die, because he is IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS. Who brings a fucking guitar to outer space? BALLER CANADIANS.
I mean, it wasn’t all heroic frogs and oddly attractive atrophied legs. Russia admitted they have a space army.
1) Russia ADMITTED THEY HAVE A SPACE ARMY.
2) Said space army is NOT PREPARED TO REPEL EVEN THE MOST BASIC OF ALIEN INVASIONS.
WTF are they doing up there??? I mean, I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, but there’s not going to be a lot of extra room in my Russian- and alien-proof bunker for people other than me and Chris Hadfield, so if you’re not planning to build your own, now’s the time to start sucking up to me.