by Steve Messick
Elections are coming up, and barely half of eligible citizens will vote. Some have attempted to scare people from the polls. I'm thinking it should be the other way around. We should be scaring people into voting.
"Vote! or mutant ebola-laden sharks will eat you and your children."
I'm uncertain if mandatory voting (such as what's done in Australia and Brazil) should be done here. I mean, geez! Counting the primaries that would be an average of one election a year! That's like spending an average of one hour per year on democracy!
Enticements are needed, and not just that lousy sticker that says, "I Voted and You Suck!" (and I usually have to magic marker in the last few words or so).
Here's a few ideas I have to encourage people to vote:
- Offer a free shot of tequilla.
- Install a karaoke machine.
- Get a sneak peek of a few minutes of the next Avengers movie, or maybe a sneak preview of the next prequel of the Hobbit, "Bilbo goes to Summer Camp."
- Put a band up front.
- Offer free popcorn/pretzels.
- Tractor pull
- Dunking booth, three shots per voter, your choice of which party representative to try to dunk.
- Have a "My Electoral District's Got Talent!" event.
- Hand out a free lottery ticket to random voters, "Vote Now! and you could have a chance to win, a chance to win!", or a set of steak knives.
- Fib, and tell people it's the early Christmas shopping line for Best Buy or tell them it's really a secret auditioning for a new reality TV show.
Well that's my part to help the cause, remember: the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants, and probably booze and bullshit.
See you on the other side.