by Steve Messick
Well, a few disgruntled folks have re-introduced summoning in response to the U.S. Supreme Court declaring all consenting adults have a right to marry, regardless of who they love. That's great, but I have to say with regard to this summoning, it's strictly amateur hour.
First up, GOP Presidential hopeful: Mike Huckabee.
He's threatened to call down fire from heaven. For starters, there's an aesthetic that needs to be followed here people. You never go with the big guns right out of the chute. For one thing, that kind of pulling and you're likely to pull or strain something. You have to start out light, and then work your way up to the big stuff. If you do pull something however, you can try to perfect that walking cane/staff look, it's always a nice visual. I did it for a while, but it kept leaving marks on the floors and sidewalks so I had to put a cut open tennis ball on the base.
Secondly, a warning is the preferred rule. Say, strike the public w/ a preference for annoying torso accoutrements and say it'll get worse if they don't stop paying so much damned attention to Michael Bolton. So we ditched MB and got fanny packs, sorry, my ears needed a break.
Second example: Todd Starnes.
He threatens to send hornets and cicadas at the president. Okay, such an attack probably wouldn't be fatal, (so he presumably avoids the obligatory, investigative Secret Service visit), but really he's aiming too low. It's a typical rookie blunder. As we are no longer a predominately agrarian society, this angle has really lost its bite. People will just stay inside and/or buy more bug zappers.
In order to be an effective conjurer, you have to keep up with the times. Threatening to cast down darkness? Yawn.
Threaten to bring down the wrath of slow internet service for forty days and forty nights? Full undivided attention.
I'd love to stay and chat, but I need to go invoke the fear of spiders and badgers on people that post about the Royal Family.
See ya ... well, sometime!