Well, I'd like to thank Benn and the Shank for fucking up the only good thing that has happened to me in the last 6 years. My girlfriend read the last Shank and knows that I told everybody I don't have a girlfriend, AND that I still do steroids. She also wasn't thrilled about all that "spring break" bullshit.
I only did that shit because I know the people who read the Shank think they are better than me because they like Obamacare, and listen to Sun Kil Moon, and don't have hepatitis C and believe in equality and shit.
I'm tired of trying to pretend that I'm into all that stupid shit.
I was at a dumb-ass party in Baltimore last week and some nerd asked me if I was into Real Estate. I told him that I own my house and him and his little, scrawny-ass buddies all snickered at me. Apparently, there is a band called Real Estate and their recent album "Atlas" got an 8.8 in Pitchfork. They did this in front of my girlfriend. So now let me ask you Shank readers: who is the big jerk?
I'm TIRED of acting like I listen to Sun Kil Moon. I'm TIRED of pretending I love the legalization of weed, when I still have to buy steroids like a fucking criminal. I'm TIRED of trying to pretend that City Paper being bought by the Baltimore Sun is a big deal and pretending that I understand the ramifications.
I'm FUCKING EXHAUSTED!!! FUCK REAL ESTATE (the band) FUCK SUN KIL MOON AND FUCK OBAMA CARE AND WHATEVER DUMB-ASS SHIT YOU ARE ALL INTO!!!!
And if I ever see you three nerds (you know who you are) that humiliated me in front of my girlfriend with that Real Estate question, I'm going to fuck you up!! YOU KNEW THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHO REAL ESTATE WAS AND YOU NERDS DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO BUCK 22 WAS BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH FUCKING MUSIC AVAILABLE NOW AND I FUCKING HATE IT!!!
THE SHANK SUCKS! THE BALTIMORE SUN RULES!! SUN KIL MOON SUUUUUUUUUCCKSSS!! LEGALIZE MEDICINAL STEROIDS!!!
Spring Break forever.