Mobtown Shank

WTF: Bush Pretends He Wants A Magic Wand

At this point, I'm really starting to think Bush is just batshit crazy. Yesterday, at a press conference discussing the recession and climbing gas prices, he said:

"I think that if there was a magic wand, and say, okay, drop price, I’d do that."

Actually, I don't think he'd even do that much. Once again American people, when you elect an oil man (or allow him to take the presidency) as president, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS.

So Bush poses a false either/or, saying if we want better gas prices, either let him drill in ANWR or get him a magic wand.

Well, reversing his administration's intentional devaluation of the American Dollar would also help ease this burden.

Oh, and McCain's bogus gas tax holiday isn't gonna help. Just in case there are those out there who think our highway infrastructure is just peachy and doesn't need any work (since the fed gas tax goes to road maintenance and repair).

But hey, while we're at it, maybe we could do something about this.

Source.

Overheard: Man Caves

overheard by Benn Ray

SETTING: House that sits on Falls Rd. Middle of a sunny, weekday afternoon.

PLAYER: Resident of the house standing on the porch in only his underwear, yelling at traffic. For the better part of an hour, he yells this over and over at passing traffic.

MAN IN UNDERWEAR: Go back on in your cage and behave! Go back on in your cage and behave! Go back on in your cage and behave! ....

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American Standard: Looks Like We Made It!

by Benn Ray

With RollingStone voting Baltimore Best Scene in 2008 (see Random Factoid for more on this in case you haven't heard about it yet), it got me to thinking what we in Baltimore can expect if history is any indicator. This is what I came up with:

MTV hosts its 2008 VMAs at The Power Plant Live. Not a single Baltimore band is booked to play the show itself, but they are encouraged to busk on the sidewalk outside the venue.

Real World Baltimore. I would think the Baltimore Real World House would be set up in Canton or maybe Federal Hill, but it would be better if it was in Waverly or just off Leakin Park. We get to watch vapid, privileged twentysomethings struggle with how hard life is when you have it easy as they then leave the house and interact with us common folk.

Younger "It" bands take to giving props to older Baltimore bands who came before them by wearing Liquor Bike and Monkeyspank t-shirts. It goes too far when we see YNot!? and Jimmie's Chicken Shack t-shirts being worn unironically.

Dan Deacon half naked on the cover of Spin Magazine. Yes!

Documentary on Kix is produced by VH1.

Band feuds begin. The most intense one takes place between Santa Dads and Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad over the use of costumes in rock.

Marginally talented twentysomethings move to Baltimore not because it's cheaper or want to be a part of what's happening but because they think being in Baltimore will somehow compensate for their lack of talent/originality.

Rents go up and Baltimore overall becomes more expensive, thereby negating its major appeal to young creative types. Oh, wait, that's been happening.

The Lexie Mountian Boys to pose for a controversial nude spread Playboy.

Neil Tobias gets a satellite radio talk show.

Ed Schrader Show replaces Conan O'Brien when Conan steps up to replace Jay Leno.

Whartscape 2008 sponsored by Scion. And Bud.

The Ottobar starts booking local bands.

Everyone is evicted from the CopyCat building and a new Hard Rock Cafe is put up in its place.

Steve Albini starts producing records from Baltimore Bands.

Two words: "Sisqo Comeback!"

Question O' The Week: Comic Book In Need Of A Movie?

WHICH COMIC BOOK CHARACTER WHO HASN'T HAD A MOVIE YET MOST DESERVES ONE?

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To get the email version of the Shank and be eligible for prizes and to see how others answer, click here and say, "Shank me."

Madam 8-Ball's Horoscope: Broken by Repubs

by Madam 8-Ball

This week, Madam 8-Ball used the Ben Bernanke 8-Ball

SO HOW BROKE AM I GOING TO END UP BEFORE THESE REPUBLICANS ARE DONE WITH ME?

AQUARIUS: Drug your elderly parents, and steal their money.
PISCES: Stockpile the petrol.
ARIES: Learn to shoot a gun.
TAURUS: Sorry, in the middle of Scrabulous.
GEMINI: I just lowered my pants a quarter point.
CANCER: Learn to shoot a gun.
LEO: Learn to kill and prepare your own food.
VIRGO: Tidy up your affairs and tell your loved ones you love them.
LIBRA: Tidy up your affairs and tell your loved ones you love them.
SCORPIO: Drug your elderly parents, and steal their money.
SAGITTARIUS: I just lowered my pants a quarter point.
CAPRICORN: Sorry, in the middle of Scrabulous.

Links People Send Me: Say You, Say Me, Say Who Now?

Vintage Fergie [Dlisted]

-Bill Sebring

Bodies in the closet
-Partick Tandy

Bush: 'I Was Aware' of Harsh Tactics ("And I approved.")
Bush signed his approval. See article further below.
-Cary Wilson

Asshole: The Comic
A webcomic.
It's about two guys (one of them based on myself) hitting the bars and generally being assholes. Much of the material for the comic came from drinking in Baltimore.
I recently decided to put the whole first issue up on blogspot for free.
-Mitch Rothenberg

The new 51st state.....

Why does the MSM love the Olympic torch relay?

Faith-Based Initiative.....

Surging significance.....

Clayton Bailey robots in San Jose.....

Don't blame me, I voted for Edwards.....

Why are the terrorists dancing at the Jefferson Memorial?

Splurge me baby, one more time 1.....

Splurge me baby, one more time 2.....

Beyond "Kodak here" to "Kodak now".....

Enabling McCain.....

Cops and Former Secret Service Agents Ran Black Ops on Green Groups.....

At least we aren't selling classified technology on eBay or Craigslist, not.....

Meet Bruce Barclay's Harrisburg Frat Boys

Police: Barclay secretly videotaped "100 to 500" sexual encounters with hidden camera network

Some Classified DoD Assets Are Too Secret To Protect

There Is No Gas Shortage.....

Waiting to take you away.....
-Scott Langill

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WARNING: We make no guarantees about these pages, so if you are in a fishtank/cubicle environment and reading this, click at your own risk.

Shank Weekly Events Calendar: 4.25 - 5.4

Friday, April 25__________________________
JRODDY WALSTON & THE BUSINESS, SOUL CANNON, GRAND BUFFET
9PM. All ages. The Ottobar. Remington, Baltimore.
2549 N. Howard St.

DESTROYER, ANDRE EITHER
9PM. $12. The Black Cat. Washington, DC.
1811 14th St. NW 

DOUBLE DAGGER, DD/MM/YYYY, SEASICK, FOR SCIENCE
8PM. All ages. No booze. New Brunswick, NJ.
354 George St.

THE BELTWAYS
10PM. Mum's. Federal Hill, Baltimore.
1132 S. Hanover St.

Saturday, April 26__________________________
FRENEMIES, HEIGHT, VELELLA
$7. 9PM. The Talking Head. Downtown, Baltimore.
203 E. Davis St.

CITY PAPER'S 12TH ANNUAL BREW FEST
Broadway Square. Fells Point, Baltimore.
$20 for 4 Hours of brew.

DOUBLE DAGGER, DD/MM/YYYY, SO SO GLOS, SHARK ATTACK, DINOWALRUS, BOMBS
8PM. Death By Audio. Brooklyn, NY.
49 S 2nd St btwn Wythe & Kent

Sunday, April 27__________________________
CHARM CITY ROLLER GIRLS SPRING FLING
12-7. The Ottobar. Remington, Baltimore.
2549 N. Howard St.

Monday, April 28__________________________
URGE OVERKILL
9PM. The Ottobar. Upstairs. Remington, Baltimore.
2549 N. Howard St. http://www.theottobar.com/

Thursday, May 1__________________________
10TH ANNUAL MARYLAND FILM FESTIVAL
Baltimore.

Friday, May 2__________________________
10TH ANNUAL MARYLAND FILM FESTIVAL
Baltimore.

Saturday, May 3__________________________
RICKROLL BALTIMORE
1PM. Inner Harbor, Baltimore.

FREE COMIC BOOK DAY
All day. Atomic Books.
1100 W. 36th St. Baltimore, Hampden.
And other participating area comic shops.

10TH ANNUAL MARYLAND FILM FESTIVAL
Baltimore.

JAPANTHER, DOUBLE DAGGER, BLACK LADIES
9:30PM. All ages. Current Gallery. Downtown, Baltimore.
30 S. Calvert St

Team Atomic Presents...
ROCK FOR THE FEAST (a benefit for Moveable Feast)
Featuring: SECRET CRUSH SOCIETY, SOUTH CAREY, DREADED SUNNY DAY, MISS KITTY VICTORIAN
$5. Frazier's On The Ave. Hampden, Baltimore.
Raffles. Prizes. Proceeds go to Moveable Feast.

CHARM CITY ROLLER GIRLS SEASON OPENER
6PM. $10. DuBurns Arena.
Tickets on sale at Atomic Books.
1301 S. Ellwood Ave.

FIRST SATURDAY IN FREDERICK
Featuring: THE BARN BURNERS
5:30. Outside of Frederick Coffee Co. Frederick, MD.
100 N. East St.

Sunday, May 4__________________________
21ST INTER TRIBAL POW-WOW
All day. Port Covington, Baltimore.
Behind the Wal-Mart.
Featuring: BABY ASPIRIN, TELESMA, GZIMO

10TH ANNUAL MARYLAND FILM FESTIVAL
Baltimore.

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To see more upcoming shows, visit THE SKAG section of the Shank.

ShankTV: Ace Of Cakes' Geoff Sings!

An acoustic song by Food Networks' Ace Of Cakes' Geoff Manthorn.

GodWatch: McCain Endorser Blaims Katrina On The Gays

On September 18, 2006, Rev. John Hagee told NPR's Terry Gross:
"Hurricane Katrina was, in fact, the judgment of God against the city of New Orleans."
...
"New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God [because] there was to be a homosexual parade there on the Monday that the Katrina came."

On a Right Wing radio talk show April 22, 2008, Rev. John Hagee, in a discussion about  Hurricane Katrina and its devastation of New Orleans, said:
"What happened in New Orleans looked like the curse of God, in time if New Orleans recovers and becomes the pristine city it can become it may in time be called a blessing. But at this time it’s called a curse."
...
"In the case of New Orleans, their plan to have that homosexual rally was sin. But it never happened. The rally never happened."
...
When asked by Praeger, the talk show host: "...in the case of New Orleans, you do feel that God’s hand was in it because of a sinful city?"

Hagee responded: "That it was a city that was planning a sinful conduct, yes."

John McCain worked very hard to acquire Pastor Hagee's endorsement and said he was "very honored" to have it.

If Barack Obama is still being attacked for Rev. Jeremiah Wright's criticism of American foreign policy and economic practices, shouldn't someone at least ask John McCain if he agrees with Hagee that God destroyed New Orleans because of the gays? Or was John McCain aware of these comments when he actively pursued and embraced Hagee's endorsement?

Source.

GodWatch: SC Pastor Stupidly Suggests Obama = Osama

by Benn Ray/link submitted by Bill Sebring

In Jonesville, SC, the sign in front of the Jonesville Church of God reads:
"Obama, Osama, hmm, are they brothers?"

The man responsible, Pastor Roger Byrd explained:
"It's simply to cause people to realize and to see what possibly could happen if we were to get someone in there that does not believe in Jesus Christ."

Barack Obama is a Christian who attends Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

Does Pastor Byrd believe that Obama is a Christian:
"I don't know. See it asks a question: Are they brothers? In other words, is he Muslim ? I don't know. He says he's not. I hope he's not. But I don't know."

What Pastor Byrd probably also doesn't know, or chooses not to believe, is what Article 6 of the United States Constitution says:
"...no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States."

So:
1. Barack is a Christian.
2. It doesn't fucking matter if he is.

So, does this mean Byrd wi'll be taking down the sign now that he knows it's both untrue and unconstitutional? Of course not.

Byrd also said he doesn't want it to look like controversy forced him to take the sign down.

What a piece of work.

UPDATE! Roger J Byrd (864) 674-6843 621 Forest St, Jonesville, SC 29353

 

Source1.
Source2.