Attention: This is not the zombie apocalypse. Probably. As far as we know. Currently.
This past week, we saw a faced eater in Miami. An intestines hurler in New Jersey. A heart and brain eater here in Maryland. And a Canadian porn star eating victims and mailing body parts to people.
Some folks may have noticed a horrific pattern here - a pattern which may suggest to some the beginning of a zombie apocalypse.
The Center of Disease Control, who monitors such things, would like us to know that what we are seeing is not the rise of the undead.
In a letter sent to a Huffington Post reporter on Thursday, the CDC formally denied that a zombie apocalypse might be underway in the U.S.
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” an agency spokesman explained.
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