Mobtown Shank

Freak O' The Week: Pinky's Dog Blog

by Miss Sarah

PINKY'S DOG BLOG
Pinky the dog is partially paralyzed or temporarily paralyzed or something by a bad vet, and so his owner decided to pretend that she is Pinky and write his blog. Hey, we all deal with grief in different ways.

"I have had a little problem with taking a #2 and my daddy said it was the antibiotics. It is hard to chase the porcupine when you are hurting down there and the number two area is not feeling well either. I am touched by dad's need to make me feel better. He even tried to play with the porcupine with me today.

"Still no donations, but daddy is making the best of things. His wheelchair he made me was neat, but I found it very undignified. I couldn't even control my legs! He isn't the greatest engineer but at least he loves me. :)"

Even though I understand that this is supposed to be a dog's point-of view, I am very disturbed by the phrase "play with the porcupine."

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Freak O' The Week: Those Who Hate Cilantro

by Miss Sarah

I HATE CILANTRO
When I first tasted cilantro, I thought it was pretty weird-tasting. But now I really enjoy it. However, some people really, really, REALLY hate it. Like a LOT.

"I have no respect for people who *like* this stuff. It's one thing if they say oh it doesn't bother me much, but if I saw someone eating it on purpose, like biting into a sprig of it, I would lose every ounce of respect for that person. I know that makes me sound crazy but that's just how deeply I despise the taste of that nasty green crap."

The haiku section is nice:

My Thai friend insists
"No cilantro - green onion!"
But she has wronged me.

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Freak O' The Week: Evaluatress

by Miss Sarah

EVALUATRESS

From "the visit:"
"Armed with opinion and experience, as well as trusty clipboard, the Evaluatress comes to your apartment to conduct the personal evaluation. In a half-clinical, half-relaxed approach, she'll carefully go down a form with 20 criteria (see below) and give you her opinion on each.

"You'll have the option of hearing her opinions verbally, offering the chance to clarify or further explore any given item. If you prefer, she can just as easily take written notes and hand them to you upon leaving. A spoken/written combination is available so that some, ahem, sensitive, items are not reviewed aloud."

She means PENIS SIZE, in case you were wondering. Currently there is only one Evaluatress available, and she appears to be an extremely shallow hippie yoga instructor with a highly inflated self-image. But, as Evaluatress admits, "There's no sense in being evaluated by someone you'd never be attracted to or whose opinion you couldn't care less to hear."

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Freak O' The Week: Panty Trust

by Miss Sarah

PANTY TRUST
Let's say you're in the market for a woman's dirty thong. How can you be sure the dirty thong you're buying from "Josie" wasn't actually dirtied by a hairy sweaty guy named Jock? Well, that's where Panty Trust comes in.

"Panty Trust Provides Unparalleled Service to Both Buyers and Sellers of Used Panties and Other Worn Items.  While verifying a seller's credit card can be helpful, we believe Panty Trust's verification process is much more meaningful to a person that is considering purchasing or bidding on used clothing items.  Our verification process follows a multi-step process for the most thorough verification process offered. A seller is not listed as verified until, and unless all conditions are met. Our verification process is as follows: Seller submits typical contact information; Seller submits photograph wearing an item similar to what they typically offer; Photo includes a hand written sign with the words "Panty Trust" clearly legible; Seller sends exact item worn in the photograph to Panty Trust for verification; Additional telephone or video cam verification if necessary."

Well, no worries, then.
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Freak O' The Week: Jim Morrison - Rodeo Star

by Miss Sarah

JIM MORRISON - A LIVING LEGEND

"TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN – including any and all Government Agencies, all Media and the Public at Large including the DOORS Lawyers and/or James Douglas Morrison’s past representatives.

"Folks across American including other countries are buying the Jim Morrison Discovered Living in the Pacific Northwest VHS Video tapes and DVDs as the Authentic Jim Morrison formally of the "DOORS" Musical Group since 2001. For further information contact Jim Morrison’s Agent & Producer Gerald Pitts at rodeowest.com.

"Further more, I Gerald Pitts of Rodeo West Motion Pictures am representing the gentleman wearing the Wild Rogue Pro Rodeo T shirt in the above mentioned DVD & VHS Video as the Authentic James Morrison formerly of the "DOORS" Musical Group."

Hmmm. I AM willing to believe that James Morrison (the gentleman wearing the Wild Rogue Pro Rodeo t-shirt) was in the "DOORS," but he definitely was NOT in The Doors.

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Freak O' The Week: Sex Slave Diary

by Miss Sarah

DIARY OF A SEX SLAVE
This is the sad but true story of sex slavery!  In the U.S., even!  I have trouble believing that this freaky stuff goes on, but apparently it does, all the time.  I had to read the entire sordid story of You Mi, trapped in Los Angeles' Koreatown and later San Francisco, forced to prostitute herself to pay her debts.  It's grittier than a CSI:SVU episode!

"You Mi entered one of the brothel's private rooms. On a mattress, a white man in his 70s was lying on his back, wearing nothing but latex gloves."

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Freak O' The Week: Naked Christians

by Miss Sarah

FIG LEAF FORUM
Come to Fig Leaf Forum, where Christians get naked for God!!

"Christian nudists should probably welcome the growing openness in our society to the sight of the human body, though 'a creature of dignity bearing the image of God' is seldom what one sees in the nudity that is becoming more and more customary and 'conventional.' Obviously, trying to overcome the stereotypes that nakedness has been laden with in recent years is no simple or easy undertaking. It is, however, a noble undertaking. Nakedness is being seen by most people as synonymous with an impossibly perfect body-image or with highly-charged sexuality. We need to work toward redeeming it from such ready associations. Some might say that it's unrealistic to think that nudists or anyone else could ever hope to overcome such pervasive stereotypes. I really don't know about that. I do know that such an opinion isn't going to stop me from trying."

BONUS FREAK TO MAKE UP FOR LAST WEEK'S BROKEN LINK
(which is a shame, because that site last week was all about freaky dead baby pictures):

FETAL KEEPSAKES
The company vision of Fetal Keepsakes is "artists reinventing the prenatal experience."  They also need to reinvent their website, as it is plagued with errors. Thanks to Bridget Speiser for sending this site.

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Freak O' The Week: Not For Kids

by Miss Sarah

NOT REALLY FOR KIDS
ROWBY FAN CLUB
Uh, is this for kids?  It's not for adults, surely....

TWO QUITE DISTURBING FREAKS ABOUT DEATH (and kids):
But this one is not really disturbing.

Much much MUCH more disturbing is this one.

(Big thanks to Mag Sabo for the above link.)

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Freak O' The Week: Jenny McCarthy Is An Indigo!

by Miss Sarah

INDIGO MOMS
Hey everybody, Jenny McCarthy is very very special! She's an "indigo" and her son is a "crystal," and together they're gonna change the world! Maybe with Jim Carrey too! And a whole lot of fart jokes.

"The day I found out I was an adult Indigo will stay with me forever. I was walking hand in hand with my son down a Los Angeles street when this women approached me and said, 'You’re an Indigo and your son is a Crystal.' I immediately replied, 'Yes!' and the woman smiled at me and walked away. I stood there for a moment, because I had no idea what the heck an Indigo and Crystal was, but I seemed so sure of it when I had blurted out 'Yes!' After doing some of my own research on the word Indigo, I realized not only was I an early Indigo but my son was in fact a Crystal child. From that point on things in my life started to make sense. I always wondered why I was a ball-buster and rule breaker on TV, and at that moment I knew exactly why. I was born to not only think outside the box, but to break that box up into a million pieces. I called this day my 'awakening' but really it was the day I remembered. This was the day my life and global mission became so clear. There was nothing I could do that could contain the excitement of what was to come."

More about "indigos" and "crystals" here and here.

UPDATE ON RAEL and his RAELIANS: He's hangin' out with HEF!

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Freak O' The Week: Free Implants!

by Miss Sarah

MY FREE IMPLANTS
This site allows women who can't afford boob jobs to entice people to give them money.  Does it work?!?  Yes, it does, according to "Sexy Lynn":

"I'm so close to my goal!  Just $778 away!  Yeah!  The end is so near! So close I can almost feel those big, firm, titties.... lol...... And my consult is tomorrow, so I'm excited about that! I just wanted to thank all my 314 wonderful benefactors! You have been so good to me and I appreciate everything you have done to help me, plus I value your friendship and I will cherish you forever.  You will always be a part of my life.... not just in friendship.... but you also own part of me.... hehe...... Thank you again from the bottom of my heart....... to the end of my erect pink nipples.... hehe.... Love you lots and lots.... Sexy Lynn xoxo"

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Do you have any suggestions for a Freak O' The Week? If so, send them here.